Monday, March 22, 2010

Home is home again.

The last two weeks have been a huge growth and eyeopener to me. Shane was away in England. And as I sit here listening to him play the guitar and sing, I feel like my home is my home again.

First off, I battled with myself while he was away. I have been trying really hard to keep my marriage covenants and put my husband first. Even when I might not want to. So as Shane was away and being lousy at emailing or calling, I kept telling him I loved him and all was well. Meanwhile my blood was slowly simmering to a boil.

Second, it was really great to have a break from structure. Not have to have supper at 6pm every night. We could eat at 4 or 8 and no one really cared. I could sew until midnight, watch what I wanted. But as the weeks progressed, disorderly conduct was taking over my home.

Third, freedom was nice.

The things I learned? First off, its hard to give and you should never offer what you cannot give. So if I say I understand, I need to leave it at that and not let things fester up and boil in my blood. I need to let it go. I should also tell him what my issues are. My last 4 emails were found in his junk folder, so he hadn't seen them to answer.

I also never realized how stable Shane made me. I a am flaky scatterbrain without him. A break is fine, but structure certainly has its place. In fact I think I might prefer it:)

Freedom comes at a price, having him back in my arms last night, his sweet kiss waking me this morning is priceless and irreplaceable. I would give anything to always have it.

Finally for the first time in two weeks I feel like a complete family. Family feels good.

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